L Y E L A ‘ s

i am no longer allif’s. we finally broke up like weeks ago due to some quarrels and hmm.. it ended pretty bad. believe me.. i didnt regret of letting him go but regretted that i had wasted time and money for him. its a relief, anyways. not single tear dropped and wow. im proud of myself.

things have gotten even more complicated. yesterday afiq finally found out that amat n i are currently seeing each other. weve been hiding this from him and i know its not right but we had to. we didnt want to hurt him. as hes a friend to both of us. he must have been very surprised. i bet.

cant wait for amat to come home. i want to be clear of things that i really want. right now, i am sure of wanting him. ayedd brought another shocking matter to me yesterday. telling me he missed me and stuff. its wrong. it definitely was.  haih.

i went out with firdaus just now. migod, he talked a lot. it was our first meet anyway. knew him through, was it ash or hasif?, either one. and like what i told ash "it started with a compliment and it went on". haha. figure that one out, ash. funny guy la that firdy. he was surprised to notice my height. glad i was not wearing any of my heels. heh. or else he’ll look as if he was walking with a step mom. haha.

anyway, ill be posting new blogs on blogspot after this. so yeah. lyelo.blogspot.com

pls. i had it enough la. just don’t come to me and try. im not gonna fall in and out of love again. enough said. n**i love.. just leave and dont come again..

he is one man with numerous, tremendous capabilities.

he was once a very big part of my life. weve known each other since high school. we somehow became close and i still remember how. i was a prefect and he was my junior. his friend liked me. though i only treated him like my own brother. and i got to know him through his friends and some of my friends. put aside the story of his friends and my friends. ok. urm. he alwys waited in front of the teachers house where my mom alwys parked her car. and sometimes mom cudnt get that spot so she stopped somewhere farther. and he alwys helped me to show where my mom was.

after i left school we became even closer. he became my petbrother. he left for pkn, uk, and mtrx bt nvr infrmd me. we then became lovers. he called that ‘childhood lovers’. he used to wish me goonyte by sending me voice sms-es. he played his guitar and sang me beautiful songs. and i so love his voice. sweet, calm, and macho. hee.. he said beautiful things and was a very very gentle bf. but it didnt last long. and i still dont know where the problem was. distance?

hes sweet, nice, caring, gentle, loving, and semua pon la.. =))) he sings beautifully. he plays guitar. hes good in drawing and sketching. he can snap great pictures with his cameras. photgraphy stuff. he tells stories wonderfully. hes real good in tennis and squash matches. REAL good. hes an architecture student. hes, not just handsome, but smart as well.

god. buck. i miss u like hell.. u were so goddamn nice and sweet and loyal to me and why couldnt i see all that when we were together.. =(((

i searched d whole ou fr it. n finally dina found wut she likes n i believe in wut she likes. its red. n big. n nike. i like it too. faisal has helped me pass the present to him. thank god! he likes it. but.. hmm.. nvm.

happy birthday once again, love. i mean happy belated birthday..

i was waiting for my dad at the kelana jaya lrt station. i was from perak. reached pudu arnd 5. my tears started to roll dwn my cheeks n i recalled few thgs frm d past. d time wen he came all d way frm sbg, took an lrt at the kelana jaya to psr seni, n met me at d pudu, n brought me home. i rmmberd hw he askd wt if he kissd me in the train in front of evryone. hw he held my hands n i felt so secured. hw he stared straight in my eyes. hw we were so in love…

then came my dad out of nowhr n the flashbcks were all gone. i miss them all..

i can no longer proudly mention dat im one of d bdk2 sbg. haha. new home - 34, jln jeriji u8/76. dats d exct loc. if i got d add crrect la. haih. exhsted gle k.

a month in perak mcm best. i can barely find free time fr myslf. ade je bnde nk buat. i went to ipoh with hugo, azy n nurul lst weeknd. i had a list of thgs to buy. includg molly’s food. tp ssh nk cari petshop kat ipoh! y eh? dun ipoh ppl keep pets? hmm. so i bought d kuaci org kt jusco. but molly xsuke. drove bck home arnd 5 liddat. n on d same day i had to drive to lumut sbb ade org tgh pth hati ajk g jln2 tepi beach. so i granted her wish la since i pon tgh pth hati. a nyte stay in lumut was fun. d nxt mornin we went to tlk batik. n yes. ktorg mmg gle. it was really gle. smue jd naughty. drove bck to sri iskndar arnd 2. it was wee-ful..

got home lst nyte. n went to bj today. early in d morning. kemas smue. pnat gle. arnd 3 cmtu i went to ou bwk hafez shopping. hes on a 2-week break now. haihs. pndah tmoro. jauhnyerrrr.. xsukeeerrr..

was hoping dat i cud see him. at least skejap. tp i tgh kmas wen he texted me n asked me out. tot i cud see him arnd mid nyte cmtu tp hes fallen asleep da kot. im so goddamn worried. hes not really ok. afraid if smthgs hppening to him. jgn laa.. ya allah. put it all on me. lemme bear all his pain.. *sob*..

2weeks in perak was fun. thnk god d landlord has provided us a tv. evry nyte well open our books n act as if we r abt to start stdyg. bt d tv is mur attrctive dat makes us frget our books. how a box with changing pictures can take our attntions away frm d books.

went to pd lst weeknd. it was freaky. argh. frm d beginng lg i didnt feel gud abt goin thr. theyre nice but nt dat nice la. ergh. xnk igt da. i xske.

my molly gav birth to 3 hammies. bt she ate all of em up. molly! theyre all ur babies, darling. haih. i didnt kno dat she was pregnant. hish. dat morning i woke up n chck on her. whthr she had enuf food ke x. ttbe ade small furless red thg moving. its one of her babies. while she was eatg d othr one. eww. d baby was screamg wen she chewed d babys head.

dinas lolita is way fatter den my molly. haha. dina got herslf one too. she cudnt resist nt havg pets in our home.

i reachd kl ystrday with chain n azy. chain sent me to my home in bkt jelutong. n waitd fr mom n dad thr. den we went to ou n dad got me a new electronic safe. bcz dads usg mine snce i startd my last sem break. how many safe la die nk dlm rumah ni. haih. n shoppd fr sum pants. i hav thousnds(tipula tu) of pants bt i keep on wearg d same ones. haha. those im cmfrtable of wearg.

pn jahan jz wudnt stop attckg me in class. she was my law lect lst sem. n i had alwys skippd her classes. n made her issued me d 1st warng letter. haha. look how bad i was. still am. xpela. "lela! section 4 (c) 1!" "lela! gulazam case!" hahahahaha. its laila la makcik. haih

d 1st week at home in perak was nt dat gud. i alwys sleep with my mp3. ttbe d song ‘hey there delilah’ by plain white ts was played. n my 1st tear since i got thr drippd. how romantic. it sounds real. how d song was written fr a gal n its beautiful. i listen to each n evry word in it. terigt die ttbe..

he doesnt care da pon. move on, bitch (me)! how can u stand hoping fr smthg to hppn bt it jz wont. i hoped to meet him bfr my new sem startd tp die bole g lepak n been bz with his stuff lagi adela! i hoped dat he wud txt me n ask ble nk blk. i hoped dat he was gona offer me a ride home frm kl. i hoped fr mcm2 sgt. bdo la u, laila! org lain ade. npe i xnmpk? he WAS serious abt dis. but not NOW. now mcm i sorg je. sbelah kaki xjauh bole jln. u need both. both! dah la. its over.

stayg thr teaches me a lot. i learn how to cook. i learn how to manage my time wisely. i learn how to fit myslf in dffrnt groups. i learn how to appreciate ppl. i learn how to giv n take. i learn how to scrfice.

lst wdnsday we went to psr mlm n got ourselves a chcken n a quarter of cabbage. we cooked fr d guys nasi, ayam merah, ayam goreng kunyit n kobis. n chain, ijat, abg hasif, n ashraf came mkn skali. while watchg ftball at our home. mcm klaka.

lst thrsday nyte sleazy went to my houz n lpak2 in my room. n he played with my molly. he was down. n he needed smone to talk to. i didnt kno how to talk to him bt at least i tried n i made him laugh. sleazy, kte ade rahsie. hee. if u xnk rahsie u bocor.. hahah

rf has been real nice to me. hes alwys thr. hurm.. =)) hee

cptla hbs dip. cant bear any longer da. haih..

kenape..

mesti org br nk trpk psl org lain ble org lain tu da xde?

how typical. we often frget abt wt we hav arnd us. n nvr actlly apprciate these thgs. once we realz dat these thgs r nt at d plc they alwys b, then only we will strt lookg.

i was flippg thru The Star lst wdnsday wen i was at the sjmc n read smthg. it has smthg to do wit wt i hav written above. dis guy was seekg fr advice. he left his xgf whom he tot was d greatst one in his life. n d mst wndrful gf he cud evr hav. bt he made a mstake by leavg dis gal n took anthr gal to b his gf. later he realzd dat his exgf was waaayyy so mch btter den dis one. his new gf has alwys wntd to b treatd like a princess. n he regrettd. see? ble da hilg baru nk nyesal. d moment he told his exgf abt breakg apart, gf die rilex je ckp ‘ppl r nvr hppy wit wt they hav’ or smthg like dat dgn selamber nye. ur so true, gal.

org kurus nk  gemuk. org gemuk nk kurus. org hitam nk putih. org putih nk tan. those wit straight hairs want curly locks. while curly heads plak nk straighten kan. black hair wants blonde. n blonde plak nk blue (no offnce). see? evryone wants to b smthg else that theyre actually nt. fakers r evrwhr arnd u nowadays. includg me. dis world  is goin crazy. i think smple pln has highlightd dis issue in one of their songs. bt i xigt la.

i will nvr change fr good. dats wt i hav alwys been remnded abt. smpai mati pon kne dgr until i can face d fact dat i really really wont change fr good. or until i change fr good fr real. nahh.. dat will nvr hppn. he has alwys remnded me abt dat. i jz wont change fr good. u wont, laila! ur useless. u burden ppl wit ur silly tots n attitudes.

y do all good thgs come to an end. ur ryte, nelly. cmpletely.

i was out of my mind. totally was. 2nd attempt. dats all i can tell. my houz was in chaos. there were ppl screamg n shoutg n fghtg n cryg n yellg. haih. but thnk god evrthg is fine now.

dat day. i was out buyg some lunch fr d family. it was frday. i was msging hm. 2 tasks at once. whch it was real hard fr me. i cant wtch tv while im on d fon. i can read msgs wen im doin smthg else. summing all up, i cant kill mur den one bird with one stone. i went home n we started fgthg abt cars n apologies n attitudes n money n ntuh la. stupid. whrby i made myslf reachg fr a knife frm d ktchn. n u kno.. those stupid thgs i cud thnk of. i tried to hurt myslf again. i fell asleep n i realzd dat i was wrong d minute i woke up. i ran dwnstrs n hugged mom. apologizg. n cryg. mom hugged me back n hushed me. n askd me to go n pray. while she was cryg too.

were ok now. much better. why does it alwys hav to b like dis? it started since we moved here. evrythg is ntuh la.. lain.

i got myslf a female hamster. was thinkg abt a name fr it n i txted hm. askg abt d name. bt it didnt help. i tend to call it meow evn tho its nt a cat. i miss my cat la. sbb tu la. i pggil die moo moo je trus. even tho its nt a cow eithr. haha. so.. molly moo moo is d name. haha. ill go n get u a bf nnt k, molly?

im gonna miss u, suga

ive been tryg so hard not to dsappoint anyone. i want evryone to b hppy. i dun want anyone to b sad. like me. owh dun bother abt me. im alwys like dis. bt wt is d mttr wit evryone?? i hate bein ignored k. ull see wt im capable of doin wen it comes to revenge. ull see.

my bday was urm.. a lil bttr cmpared to d previous ones. i jz realzd how ppl care abt me. its nt like thrs none. i was wrng. yeah. attempt of hurtg myslf was such a bad bad idea. bsides den ruinning d plan i also did hurt some othr ppls feelgs. bt dis one was sweet. rf n nash dropped by n handed me a cake with a candle lit on it. haha. dat was sweet guys. thx a bunch. i was awed. really. n touched. n flattered. n.. n i smiled.

why cant we hav frens n hav em frever? no one remains. bcz ppl come n den go. haih..